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Strange events and stranger people. Updates from rock 'n' roll dystopia brought to you by the band Lazy 8.

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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.

The Rocklog of Lazy 8
Thursday, August 01, 2002  
Thursday 1st August

Well, Hello Sailor!

Mmmm. Sporadic. My appologies to those of you who have been hanging to hear about the many strange things that happen to me and Lazy 8. With friends jetting off all over the planet (sigh) I must be more regular. Bran for my Blog. Where to start? Well, as I've said before, each gig is eventful but the most eventful happening recently was when I went to Warrnambool (two r's) with my friends The Flower Pot Gang for the Fun 4 Kids Festival. Now what kind of name is that for a rock band, you're saying. None at all, they're a children's group. And I was a giant daisy.

I learned my routines - 3 songs from the video and 1 when we got to the motel. Phil and Ben (yes, they know) came and got me. Not two suburbs away from home and the filth began. They are dirty, dirty men. Apparently many kid's entertainers are. The tone lowered significantly when the lovely Zoe joined us at Melbourne Airport. She's an ace girl, ex-Cherry, an Aussie Spice Girl group who never quite took off. We all spoke brilliant shit for practically the whole weekend. It was ace.

My mistake: NEVER eat chicken anything from a Road Pantry. Ben and I fed ourselves just before Geelong. Bad. The severity of the bowel turbulence it inflicted on both of us is lesson enough. The smells we emitted all weekend were terrible. Oh, how we laughed.

I will be back with Ben's Dead Face, the dead cat and the costume tomorrow.

5:19 PM

Saturday, May 04, 2002  
Saturday 3rd May

The Dwarf Incident And Some Gigs.

Wow! It's been a while. Hi! Lazy 8 are just plugging away on the gigs round Melbourne and planning our recording and touring for the next year. We've had some great gigs since the last update. All at the Railway Hotel. God I love that venue! Aaron (the booker) showed us his Mr Horse tattoo ("Call the police...") and then the spanking ensued. This has become a theme of our last few appearances there. Also the wrestling. Caz (The Bentleys' cellist) and I had a bit of a girly wrestle. Then I had a wrestle with the lovely Amy. We decided to get my bassplayer Tim involved and it ended with us fucking his shoulder by trying to pin him. He's a wiry bugger and has more strength than he seems to...

The shows so far have been us supporting The Bentleys including our most recent gig, a really surreal night at The Laundry in Fitzroy. The night started with a... start when we discovered we were advertised in the street press as playing from 8-11. News to us! A quick phonecall confirmed that we were indeed playing early coz of the "DJ's we told you about". Uh, **NO**! It's not musicians putting a wedge between dance and rock, baby!

We won a 'reprieve' and started when *we* had advertised, each band cutting down to half hour sets. We pulled 50 people on Anzac Eve (an Aussie tradition where everyone has a public holiday to get drunk coz of the war veterans). We played bad and our engineer Lucy did the best she could with irregular foldback and wooly FOH.
So, not our best gig then...

I meet and greet while The Bentleys soundcheck. A boy at the back who just came because it's The Laundry declines my offer of being on our mailing list and instead gives me his phone number saying "I saw you dancing on stage for me. You're sexy. I'm the Mouth of The South. You want a manager? Call me." Riiiiiiiight!

The Bentleys finished after being told off by the manager and a DJ, and the night then got weird! Talcum powder on the floor, old-school hip hop on the turntables, bogans dancing badly. Me, Lucy, Naz and Cheryl decided to show these folk how to dance. 'White Lines', 'Kiss', not enough adrenaline to dance well so we dance as strangely as we can, showing off our 'best' moves. Throw a few shapes at some boys who decide they can have more. Tell them it's purely social. So far so normal. The dwarf comes over and starts spinning round the floor looking up and mouthing "ladies! ladies! ladies!"

He sniffs Lucy's crotch as his first order of business with us. Lucy is, frankly, amazed. We all think it's weird but it's been a weird night so we all go with this. Lucy goes to the bar and feels a wet thing on her arm. The Dwarf, pashing her elbow, and "pash" is the only appropriate word for it. This begins to freak her and she returns to the safety of the gang.

As we dance, our new best friend joins us and blows a raspberry on Naz's belly. She obliges, coz she's game, by blowing one back. We dance around him for *our* enjoyment. This seems to incite him as he grabs me, and pulling me close, whispers "Will you fuck me?" "No. I'm with that man at the bar," I say. "Will you talk to me, then?" he asks. "Yes," I say, "I'll talk to you and I'll dance with you." We boogie for mere moments when he lurches toward me again and growls urgently "If you were a real lady, you'd be really sexy. But you work, and I hate that!"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! I'm not a real lady? I work and he doesn't like it?? WTF? He's off by the bar now, evidently pissed off at my non-reality. I check with Lucy to see if she can make sense of it all. 'HE THINKS YOU'RE A PROSTITUTE! YOU "WORK" = WORKING GIRL!!!!!!!" Arrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhh! We scream.

HEY! One dance does not a sexual encounter make, little person. Bad gig, weird boys, daggy dancing. It's nearly too much for my little brain. I want to go home. We're lugging the gear down their back stairs and the manager drops by. "Yeah, yeah, The Bentleys. Grreat band. Good sound. I like you. Call me." He notices me standing there. "Oh you're with those Lazy Eighters, aren't you?" I smile.. and nod, "What did you think of us?" I ask. Stupidly. " were... nice, OK." He leaves. THE END.

4:20 AM

Tuesday, March 05, 2002  
TUESDAY 5th March

God forbid I start to overuse the word 'ROCK', but like the word 'FUCK', it's incredibly descriptive and can be applied in many situations. For example:

This weekend just gone Tim, Darren and I played two Lazy 8 gigs. One at a private party outside Castlemaine (VIC) and one at The Railway Hotel for The Brunswick Music Festival. While the first gig was ok but lacked a little sparkle, a little rock, the second gig ROCKED. We played like fucking ROCK MONSTERS. Tim slammed his bass into a table and spilt beer and broke glass in frustration at being on a non-existent stage wedged into the corner. Darren ROCKED out on some incredibly ROCK guitar lines and stood like the stoic ROCK god we know him to be. Especially after playing drums in his other band, The Bentleys and doing the sound for both acts.

I was possessed by the ROCK spirit and went into full (Ack!) ROCK N ROLL PREACHER mode, begging, pleading, exhorting (oooooooooh), enticing, imploring the audience to feel the spirit of ROCK move within them. Could they feel it? COULD THEY FEEL IT??? They could. Exhausted but solid as a ROCK, we came off stage, drenched in our own ROCKULAR (thanks, Q Mag) fluids. Ack! Two guys from the band Laura both told me I should have tried to connect with the audience more.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The tangy smell of success. We've been asked to headline some shows there in April. All this without a bio or a demo to show. Ack!

Yes. I love this life kiddies and I want more. If you're reading this feel free to email us at
6:01 PM

Sunday, February 24, 2002  
SUNDAY 24th February

Yeah, it's been a while but last night was our first gig in ages. We had the full band. Me, Darren, Tim and Frank the drum-machine. We rocked. I was somewhat dubious about using Frank but Darren's consumate programming made the night (especially the wild, yes!, DRUM SOLOS! Ack!) and everyone still loved it. I think we'll keep him in the band.
"More beer for us," said Tim. Easy to feed, easy to house, no imposing personality disorders to contend with.

Darren played like a rock god and after an amazing solo at the end of 'Cheap Sex and Sushi' collapsed in a very ROCK manner, writhing under his throbbing guitar on stage with squalls of feedback ringing out. Yes. There is a VIBE here. We will RULE THE WORLD.

A friend of the band, G, tried to raid the industrial fridge behind the bar after heckling us. I had to scare him away with my mic stand after he poked me with his pool cue mid-song. Fool. He was caught by the barmaid and reprimanded, however, I doubt he remembers today.

We played 11 songs and met alot of people. I have the feeling that the Railway Hotel will turn into a good local gig. Their booker, Aaron, is on the ball. We've been invited to play next Sunday 3rd March when the hotel hosts a stage for The Brunswick Festival. This will be the day after Woodsy's private do out in the countryside so it will be very rock with *large* hangovers after a two hour drive back to Melbourne.

Tim yelled incoherently and hasn't had this much fun in years. And of course I rocked like the rock goddess that I am. If you licked me you'd get high right now. Come see us.

4:14 PM

Sunday, January 13, 2002  
Sunday 13th January

Hello New Year. According to the Industorious Clock It's the 13 Jan 2027. That'll do me. Happy Girl Records is proud to announce a) a new album on our to be released list 2027 and b) a Lazy 8 gig for all you Melbournites.

The album is by a sadly defunct band called Speedking. It's called 'Bottom Burp Bonanza' and features 12 tracks of garage weirdness from Don 'Homer' Ely (The Gamma Rays) and Tim O'Connor (Lazy 8/Frente). I love these songs which is why I'm re-releasing it. 'All Indie Bands Are Crap Except Us' would be my favourite track but theres something for the melody-heads and noiseniks alike. Check out the Happy Girl Records Flea Market page for more info.

The Gig is on Saturday February 23rd at the Railway Hotel in Brunswick with Lazy 8 supporting our close friends The Bentleys. More details to follow. We get paid from the bar takings so the more you drink the more we earn. Not a responsible attitude to alcohol consumption but who's perfect?

On a more personal note, I've just com back from an enormous road trip to Queensland with Razzle and Cousin Rachel who's started her own webzine recently. It took 18hrs to get to Sydney from Melbourne (a 10 hr trip ordinarily) and the same again to get from Sydney to Queensland. We battled a leaking radiator, bushfires and creeping hallucinations to get there and it was stinking hot for the whole trip. We arrived at 7am on Christmas day and hopped straight into the alcohol. Then we slept. We did get up into the hills behind the Gold Coast, which I wanted to do, and we swam a lot. New Year's was low key.

Tell you what, I'm so glad to be in Melbourne again. I missed it while I was away. The lack of good coffee on the Coast is a real problem for such a service-oriented economy.

So, get into Speedking and come and see us if you're in town. Email us at coz we'd love to hear from you.

6:58 PM

Monday, December 17, 2001  
Monday 17th December

Well hello. Some news to add to my Blog. The record label has a second act on its roster. An all-girl cabaret trio called 'Lillith', named after the first and most enterprising wife of Adam. She refused to lie beneath him stating that as they were both made of dust, they were equal and should lie side by side. Adam had a whinge to God who tried to compel her by angelic force to comply with Adam but she uttered the secret name of God and thus broke free from Eden and subservience. She has since been demonised and has come to represent the dark, mysterious part of woman's nature. 'Lillith' sings to celebrate those moments of challenge and liberation.

Lillith is Cheryl Spooner, Penelope Jones and Me. We will be recording our forthcoming 'Friends and Lovers' gigs at Melbourne's Midsumma Festival (The Storeroom, North Fitzroy, 30th Jan - 3rd Feb.) and will be culling the best performances for a live CD to be released through Happy Girl Records. If you're in town, I hope you can make it. We're doing originals (Cheryl and myself) with a few favourite covers (Divine Comedy, The Jaynettes, Stereophonics) and it will be lots of girly fun.

I'm feeling much better about the whole Christmas thing and am really looking forward to the road trip to Queensland (which is 2 days drive from Melbourne for those who don't know) with Darren and my cousin Rachel (who's not done a big road trip in Australia before). We're passing through Sydney, Canberra and Goulburn where I hope to get a photo of us and the 'big' Merino sheep there. It's a 3-storey tourist attraction with a history of sheep farming in Australia and lots of trashy souveneirs. Apparently the natural enemies of sheep include dingos, foxes, footrot, blowfly, various parasites and *nuclear war*!

Will update my Blog along the way. Have fun and don't get as trashed as Lillith did during 'rehearsal' last night. I'm a sorry Happy Girl today.


4:40 PM

Wednesday, December 12, 2001  
Sunday 2nd December

Ok. I feel better now. It seems to be working. Razzle's mum said we're not going to have a Kris Kringle this year because *someone* forgot last year. Guess who they're referring to? Problem is, that's crap. We didn't forget. Razzle gave his later and I remembered. I hate family insinuation. WHy can't they say. look, *you* forgot. Then we could all address the issue and then we could forget about it.

We're always the subject of such disaaproval from both our folks. Why don't you call more often? Coz I don't enjoy talking to you. Why don't you remember everyone's birthday? Because I remember everyone important to me. Why can't you be organised? Why don't you visit more often? Why don't you have a real job? Why aren't you making money from music yet? When will we get a copy of the CD? Why are you never home?

I'm just using this test blog to vent my spleen. If you've gotten this far, I promise all my blogs will be shiny and happy from now on.

Love happy girl.
11:25 AM

Wednesday 12th December
Ho ho fucking ho. 12 days to christmas. It's not that I hate christmas, really. it's just the whole commercial enterprise aspect. And families can suck. I'm going to Queensland to see mine. I hope the weather's nice. Why won't this page worK? I'm doing exactly like the instructions say and it's still not working. Bite me. All I want to do is upload my new weblog to my homepage as I deleted the first one and it won't go.

(un)happy girl
11:12 AM

Sunday 2nd December
Tonight we did a benefit gig at Pony in the Melbourne CBD. It was for an independent political paper called "The Paper". Despite some initial nerves on Razzle's part, we rocked the 60-70 people in the room with a large number of new songs and received lots of good feeback.

Unfortunately Lobster wasn't there to share in the glory as he was coming back from a hippy festival. This is funny if you know how Lobster loathes hippies.

We met lots of great people and one really boring fuck. It made me feel good to test myself against a 45 minute set after only doing open stages for so long now. I will get my pace back when we find a drummer and can rock out live.

Even though this is an old log, I've included it as it's the first log I put up before finding Blogger.

Happy Girl.
10:50 AM

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